The IAW International Community welcomes back Tempest Charles, Sophomore at Agnes Scott College, as its September 1st blogger! Tempest will visit the blog during the week to respond to your posts. Post your questions, encouragement, and stories here to initiate a conversation with Tempest and with our community around the world. Our theme this month is “Love of Self. Love of Others: The Essential Connection”
Two Great Tasks
I am no more than toe deep in my sophomore year of college and I’ve already glimpsed some of the self-growth opportunities this year offers me. Already, I’ve been confronted with two tasks that I must accomplish before I can truly be at peace.
The first task is to build an unbreakable self-acceptance. I’m not seeking the self-acceptance that would allow me to shrug in slight disappointment when I burn the toast in the morning or to procrastinate on the things that need to be done.
The self-acceptance I seek sits at the root of self-actualization—it is the deep recognition that I do not need the validation of another to live in the awareness that I am a Buddha, a powerful being, a spiritual vessel, an essential gear in the running of this Universal machine.
The second task is to create and stand by my own definition of Happiness. So often, we women twist ourselves into the shapes of cultural expectations. Only days ago did I realize (and I admit this with child-like embarrassment) that my burning desire to quickly find a partner and start a family was fertilized by weak self-confidence. Now, like most young women my age, I have to step back and reevaluate everything I thought I wanted to check for parasites.
If I dismantle the societal expectations about marriage and partnership, where will I end up….alone? I found inspiration to hang out with myself by watching the You Tube video “How To Be Alone” at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs created by Andrea Dorfman and poet/singer/songwriter Tanya Davis. Take a moment to meditate on her poem, and share your response with the IAW community. I’m learning that there’s no greater way to reach peace and happiness in all my relations than to grow in knowledge and love of myself! What about you?
Tempest is a sophomore at Agnes Scott College in Atlanta. After college she plans to travel the world to gather women’s stories and views of beauty, sexuality, and holistic health. Tempest’s Buddhist practice encourages her to learn from and teach others. Her calling is evolving but will include helping women and their families reach self-actualization and pass the gift of good holistic health to the generations that follow them. Tempest’s current blog, “The Delicious Life,” follows her personal journey to discover a healthier, more fulfilling life. Visit Tempest’s blog at http://modernmariposa.wordpress.com.
How fortunate for you Tempest! For me being aware and creating my own definition of happiness is ever changing with each passing day, week, season, and a lot of fun in the process, even being alone is nice.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha
Thanks Nichol for sharing the quote! I absolutely agree with you, on some days my definition of happiness is going to my dance class in the morning, on others, I would rather sit curled up in a chair reading a book for the better part of my day. I guess I’m just learning to move from moment to moment rather than decade to decade.
I love this. Right now I am finding myself alone. I am married and have 3 children and will not get into the details of why it is that I am alone. I know the universe created this time for me to be by myself with myself. It is easier said that done. I have called everyone in my phone. I don’t want to talk on the phone anymore. I am learning to enjoy the peace with myself. At times it feels selfish, but it is not. It is what I need to rebuild myself, into myself, for myself.
I am alone.
I completely understand the feeling of guilt aloneness may sometimes bring. Just the other day I rejected a friends request to go out and I felt like I had just done an evil thing. Later I realized that I would have been far too unpleasant had I gone when I didn’t really want to.
As for calling everyone in your telephone, I wish I could say I’d never done that before. In fact, there have been times when I sit near my phone just BEGGING for it to ring. Now, I practice turning my phone OFF for at least an hour a day. It’s wonderful.
Wow Tempe, Your words and that wonderful video you shared have had me in deep conversation (with myself) and now with my daughters for most of this day. Much to ponder on defining what is happiness from inside ourselves, such a personal thing. I actually never looked at it so closely before. On this day, for me it is self acceptance which is happiness and when shared it seems to spread like wildfire.
Isn’t it wonderful to share (the idea of) aloneness with others? I found that I became closer with those with whom I shared my need and want for time to myself. There is something so awesome about having the opportunity to invite others into your world of perception and to dialogue about what can make us all happier and more effective in this lifetime. It’s the very reason I continue to write for IAW!
Kudos to you, Tempie! I love your image of an essential gear, since it avoids the extremes of self abasement on the one hand and narcissism on the other.
One of my favorite books is called *Solitude: A Return to the Self* by Anthony Storr. It was recommended to me years ago in my singleness. Even good partnership requires the deep capacity to enjoy one’s own company.
I will remember your words of wisdom about happiness since, even when one is not so young one can be filled with the nagging question, “Shouldn’t I be doing X by now?” even in the midst of one’s own happy life. Empty “oughts” suck the marrow out of life.
Keep sharing your insights!
Much thanks for your response. I will have to make a trip to the local library and see if I can find that book.
I completely understand having a bad case of the “shouldn’t I’s.” I’ve learned that 98% of the time if I phrase it “shouldn’t I?” then the answer is probably “not unless you really think you should.” When it is phrased “I should probably…” then it’s usually a yes (read: I should probably have started that essay by now”).
Tempe,
Your wisdom and beautiful words really speak to me and I thank you for sharing them with all of us.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond! I hope that you are successful on your journey, as similar or different as it may be from my own.