Running in Circles
For a long time, I traveled through life focused on my “Rule of Thirds.” I believed that about 1/3 of my friends, family, and colleagues liked my life the way it was, that another 1/3 didn’t really have the time to care about my life, and that the final 1/3 did not like my life and choices, and they let me know it!
I concentrated my attention on the 1/3 who didn’t like my life and choices. I wondered what I did wrong and how I could fix it so they would like me and approve of my choices. I was obsessed with moving them into the category of friends and acquaintances who liked me. Well, when I changed things to get their approval, the rest of my friends voiced their disappointment or disapproval. I couldn’t win!
I found myself running in circles. My obsessive people-pleasing antics were like herding cats while wearing a blindfold. I flailed, frantically changing this and that about myself and my life, to receive approval. I was drained of energy with knots in my back. I got physically ill and became angry trying to please others and gain their approval.
I finally stopped and asked myself, “What is going on here? Why am I getting sick?” I realized that I disliked my own life, that the exhaustion of people-pleasing made me want another life. I continued the process by asking deeper questions of myself: “Why am I allowing others to decide who I am, what is best for me, and how I am to live my life? Why am I allowing others to write the script of my life?”
Self-awareness brought me home to myself. Things got quieter inside and I took back the pen. I’m now writing my own life story according to my values, choices, and inner guidance. I thank others for their suggestions, but I choose what is right for me, for I trust and listen to myself now. I am the Author of my life.
Who’s the Author of your life?
Autumn DeCosta is a Energy Leadership Master Practitioner and Life and Family Coach whose passion is working with individuals and families to successfully create fulfilling personal lives, while at the same time being fully engaged in family life. Autumn is also a Trainee in the IAW Facilitator-Coach Certification Program.
Autumn has 17 years military service, currently as an Executive Officer of Maintenance within the Air National Guard and her spouse is in the military. She works with military members and their families through the deployment cycle and helps them reintegrate into family life upon return. Visit her blog at: http://www.iamwonderwomom.com/iamwonderwomom-blog/
This message could not have come at a better time in my life. At nineteen years old all anyone has is advice for me about how to spend my twenties, what I’m too young for, what I’m too old for. As much as my heart would love to cover my ears and scream “I’LL DO IT MY WAY,” the longing to make people happy and to have the companionship that comes with it is overwhelming. Literally the moment before I read this I was pondering my desires. I realize that though people believe otherwise, I am not sure of what I want in life because the moment someone tells me what I should want, I strive for it. I can only hope that for a moment I will put the self help books down and hang up the phone to advice-giving friends and find out what do I really want out of my life. Thank you for reminding me of the shamelessness of writing your own story. They can take the red pen to my essays, but no longer will they take it to my life.
August, wow, your words rang so loud in my ears. I recall that people pleasing woman in my own life all too well and do not really know where the turn came for me. But once the path was chosen it became easier to forge my personal trail and not to follow the well worn one. Thank you for the reminder lest I wander off path again.
Autumn, Thank you for reminding me to not allow others to decide who I am, what is best for me, and how I am to live my life? I will write the script of my life.